This Year was all about me, I wish it wasn't.

Well I had just been told I had what they called Benign intracranial Hypertension, what the. The neurologist put me on medications which were horrible but I took them I had too. The headaches subsided but for some reason my back was just giving me still alot of trouble I saw that many different people chiro's physio's, etc etc fricken etc, none of them could solve this problem or figure out why I was in so much pain. Neither could I. I couldn't stand I couldn't sit nothing would help anti inflamatory's nothing. I still had to go back to see the neurologist in the city and he then referred me on to another neurologist that was a lot closer, I started to see him every six month's mentioned to him about my back he said next time if it is still the same we will get a MRI done of your spine. Six months were up still the same no change. He organised it and off I went, Mum and Jack in toe. I hated the first MRI  I had but this was just as bad, this time they had to inject a dye well they decided to do it half way through, and when she injected it it did not go into the vein it went into the tissue OMG that is sooo painful. Well thank god that was over with. They always ask the question when are you going back to see your Doc, I think I was due back in a couple of Month's. 

Well  I was glad that was over with, hope I don't have another one of them. The next day I got a phone call from the Neurologist office could you come in tomorrow, Hmmm what's this about I was thinking I remember I said to a friend I have probably got a tumour or something, Joking about it she said don't be stupid. So off I went back to the city to see him. Went into his office, he said how are you going, much the same I said. Well I am sorry to tell you that you have a tumour in your spine, it is quite large you will have too see one of the Neurosurgeon's I will refer you on to someone and it will have to be removed. What the I thought to myself you have got to be joking. I went back down to meet up with my Mum and Jack who were having a lovely time in the garden, as I walked towards my Mum I bursted into tears all I could think was, I am not going to be around for my kids and my husband, and I am going to leave my Mum and Dad they have already lost one child how could this happen.  Now I just had to wait to see the neurosurgeon to see what happen's next.

Keep on going on

Nick had been at the early intervention program for a couple of years, it was time to look for school's for him and one came to me through another person. It was a special school. I was right to go and have a look. It was an eye opener for me children with high needs wheelchair's and I thought to myself does Nick belong in a school like this one, to me he didn't fit the category but in fact he did. He started the next year in the 4 year old early intervention. It was sad to leave the other one it was a safety net for me, but it was time to move on. He did extremely well at his new school. I would love to send my other children there but they don't fit the category for a special school. The kids the teacher's the aids are wonderful. Nothing was to hard for them and always willing to listen and help if I needed it. The kids are treated with dignity and respect some things that are a miss in main stream school's I find. Nick started Prep the next year and No 2 Son started 3 year old kinder. This is when I started to become quite unwell, it would take two years to find out what the problem was. It started with Migrane's I would be shopping bang migrane I would wake bang migrane, then my back started to play up. I couldn't sit I would have to lay down on the floor to watch TV I would be walking the floors of a night because my leg's where spasming so much, I would go see physio's, chiro's osteo's they couldn't fix it. To the Doctor's time and time again, CT scan's nope nothing. Then my doctor suggested I go and see a Eye Specialist. I went he checked me out then told me the disk's behind my eye's where swollen, I should go and see a Neurologist. I went to see him, well we need to do some test's. Brain Scan and Lumber puncture.  Bloody hell I thought to myself. The Brain scan was horrible, cage over the head in a tube geez. Then off for the lumber puncture, that was even worse especially when you hear the Doctor outside saying good luck for your first time OMG are you serious. I wanted my husband to stay but NO he couldn't that was one of the worst situations I have ever had to endure. After this they came and told me I had blood in my spinal fluid and too much Protein. They thought I had an aneurysm in the brain. I had to stay overnight and have an angiogram the next day where they inject the dye horrible process it was like hot flush going through my veins Yuck. Anyway they said no you don't thank God for that. I had what they call benign Intracrainial Hypertension which is fluid on the Brain Tablet's would help this the side effect's where horrible. But this was still not the Problem. I will get to that next time.

Back Home again.

Well back to the Norm again. Home and back to the little fellow and taking Nick to early intervention. He was in his second year. All I can say is this place was great, they gave me a little more insight and different ways to communicate, but Nick did well at getting his message across to us and he found his own ways of getting what he wanted a chair would come in handy, if he wanted something he couldn't reach. So we had to get pantry locks and fridge locks, but he always managed to get the fridge open even if I couldn't the locks worked better on me I think. Nick had a lot of test done at this time, by Doctors watching him all just to tell me he has developmental delay, what does that frickin mean I already know he is delayed. One doctor had told me as he get's older it may become more apparent which really make's more sense to me now. I dreaded going to the childrens Hospital or to any appointment's because Nick just never wanted to wait for anything. Waiting to see doctors is a long process. Nick would just start screaming or running around with me after him. I could never sit and read a book to him his attention was zero and because he could never focus on one thing for a second my mind would just spin. When he started screaming and carrying on mainly because I didn't want to miss the doctor calling us. I would be trying to get him to sit with me oh NO didn't work off he would go. I hated the attention of people looking at me, with those looks on their faces. I was sure in my own mind they were thinking oh shut the kid up. As time went on I really didn't care how much he cried and screamed, the more he screamed and carried on the quicker they seemed to get us in for our appointment and out. Which worked out better as I didn't have to wait so long.

It was around this time, when our family got the terrible news that my husband's Father had a massive heart attack and had passed away. He loved his grandchildren unconditionaly and always had time for both of them. He is so missed by all of us. I only wish he had of been around to see them grow up but I am sure he is looking down on them. I know he would be very proud of his son as I certainly am.

We try for a holiday....

Since we had Nick we had not been for a holiday, so we thought we would try and go for a long weekend up to Albury. No 2 son was just over one and Nick 3. We collected him from the early intervention and off we went. Nick was not good at sleeping in different places other than his bed, so I thought I would have to give it a go and try not to live in the same box every day. So off we went, long drive ahead of us. It was great to get away it had been three years since we had even ventured away from our own home. We finally got to our destination it was really nice place. We thought we would go and get some tea, fish and chips was the go. We found a place to eat and the next thing we knew. Nick had been sick all over the footpath oh shit... Because he had been at the early intervention and Nick love's sensory things his hands must have been in the rice which was uncooked rice and that is what was coming out ohhh Yucky. I thought of well, it may be just  a one off thing but no it was not. Vomiting all night long, we decided to go home the next morning it was just all a little too much. He was really quite unwell, gastro bad. The next day No.2 son had got it and the poor little man was so sick. Luckily we didn't get it. I think it was a week later and Nick was unwell again. My  instinct's tell me not gastro. I think the shunt is blocked again so back to the hospital and with the other little man to contend with as well. My parents and parents in law step in to look after No. 2. We both stayed until the surgery is done and make sure every thing is ok. I stay in the hospital with Nick and my husband goes home. Nick  was really good, I thought cause he was a little older he may not be as compliant as he was when he was a baby, but no he was a good fella having antibiotics injected and test's done. He was my brave little man. He also slept  well considering how busy and loud hospital's are. I know I never sleep well because when he's a patient I am in a way too. It had been three years since the shunt had blocked but I am glad I got him to the hospital before those blinding headaches happen. So far so good.

Early Intervention Program Start's

Nick was only two when he started at the early intervention. It was just like kinder, I guess this was all new to me as I had never been in this position. I had to stay with him while he was here because of his age I guess. With a new baby as well. I was still feeding No 2 bub so my Mum came with me to give a hand if need be and as I never liked to pop my boobs out for everyone to see. I would go into a private room to feed him. It was all routine they would play outside for a while and have circle and then do some activities. Which Nick did not want to participate in, he always wanted to be outside, and when they wanted him to sit to an activity or do circle time then would come the tantrum's. I can't remember how many time's I tried to get that little bugger to come in. I would just pick him up pop him over my shoulder and off we would go. This is when I started to notice, he was quite delayed as the kids there varied in degree's to very mild to needing a lot of help. I had no other kids in my life to compare. Also the older No. 2 got and he was developing well and chattering the more apparent it was becoming. Toilet training was not happening and still no talking just a hell of a lot of babble. When he was at the early intervention he was never interested in what any one else was doing never wanted to sit and try any activities no matter how hard you tried. Most of the other children were at least a little interested. It was really hard to come to term's with that.

Baby No. 2 and his Big Bro....

I had just had my second bub, he was a good baby to start of with. I think the first month was good the second not so. Colic had set in and Nick had decided when I was feeding or changing Nappies he would help himself to the fridge or the pantry. I couldn't watch him every second, what ever he could find he would get it. I was in the kitchen one day and he decided he would pour a whole container of cordial all over my carpet oh my goodness. I'm sure I said a few choice words. He also got into lots of different things locks were good but he always managed to get the fridge one off. He could work out if he got a chair he could get into the freezer. He also liked to hop into the cot when Jack was sleeping. When I was busy so was Nick doing something he shouldn't be. Jack decided to have his crying spell from 7 till about 10 at night the only time a had to myself. My husband was doing an arvo shift at this time he was there one week but not the next he was always a great help when they were babies. I had enough one day and I said to him you look after him I'm sick of this. So off I went and from then on no problems he had just let him go, and after that no more problems. I just couldn't stand the crying. I had to stop the crying but he just ignored it and that is what he needed. After that I didn't really have anymore issues with his sleeping. Thank goodness. Nick had started at the early intervention program, but more on that next time.

Here comes Baby No 2

I was nearing the end of my pregnancy, I had to go up to the early education place to speak to them about Nick. I had made the appointment, went up and sat out the front thinking am I here at the right time or the right place my usual worries, this was a big turning point for myself as I was quite shy. I pulled myself together after this and never looked back for Nick I would do what I had to. Meeting New people, who care's. I thought what can they do. So I got out of that car and off I went. I had held myself back from a lot of thing's but never again when it came to him. I would push myself no matter how hard I thought it was. So I met with them and enrolled him for the next year it. 

He had just had his second Birthday still no speech, some tanty's but apart from the no speech and toilet training going no where. His development was a little behind. The pediatrician said that his development may become more noticeable as he get older, I really didn't know as he was my first.

I was nearing the end of my pregnancy and Nick was being a little trying at times. He would get into the fridge and pantry help himself to anything. I was due in about a week and well this little one wanted to come a little early. I do remember it was a Saturday Morning, and My husband was going to work to do some overtime. I started to go into labor that morning. I suggested he stay home which he did. By the time we decided the contractions had stopped, so he went to work. I rang my Mum and told her what was happening and she and my dad came.They took Nick out for a while and my contractions started again. They were pretty mild, nothing to worry about. My sister in law had dropped in on her way home. I was sitting at the table and it was getting a little worse. I rang my husband told him to come home I gave it a little longer, we decided to go down to the hospital we saw the nurse and they said no you have got a while to go. Go home and rest I was like WHAT anyway did what they said. I got home Mum was staying over Nick was already in Bed. I decided to have a shower. When I came out the pain was getting pretty bad by that stage. I was sitting on the couch saying OOOHHH I can't do this, my Mum was asleep in the chair she woke and said well you have no choice. I stood up and it was like oh NO. I think this baby is coming now. Both of them said not here. I said to my husband get me down to the hospital as quickly as you can. I got into the car and my water had broken. I was just in a state at this point and so was my husband a 10 minute drive turned into 5.  He rushed into the emergency room from what he told me he just yelled my wife is having a baby. I do remember saying to him just bring them out to me. He was a shade of white you don't normally see on a face. They came and grabbed me and got me onto a bed and No.2 Son was born with one push within 2 minutes of them bringing me in. He was a beautiful baby boy we named him Jack. I was only in for a couple of days and being a Mum for the second time It was a little easier, but things were becoming more difficult with Nick.